It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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