I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
