So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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