That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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