Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
