my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
