Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
