I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
