i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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