my mouth tastes like poor choices
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
