Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
