Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
