I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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