So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
