plz talk dirty to me
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
