He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
