I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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