At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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