She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
