so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
