why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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