That's intense
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
