One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need to calm my uterus...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
