i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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