You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
