Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
my liver is dry heaving
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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