You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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