I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
