I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
