I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
