Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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