Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Randomize