Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
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