Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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