apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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