He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
