she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
