I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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