whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
