I hate all girls vehemently.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
you never un-have a 4some
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
