I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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