I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
