Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They took my balls.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize
