Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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