Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think I am morally bankrupt
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
