Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
