I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
