dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
