The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
