He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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