If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
