you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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