while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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