do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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