Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
