i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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