I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
