she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
