We won't sleep together?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
