awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
