It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Even my vagina gasped.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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