cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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