I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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