plz talk dirty to me
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
