My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
